I have had a good 6 months, relatively speaking. There were a couple of falls (cannot feel my feet) and that pesky gall bladder surgery. Summer at the beach was great, especially when we had little visitors. Overall, I have enjoyed life, especially my grands!
Tomorrow I see my oncologist to get the results of my 6-month CT scan -- which I had today. I have been on edge all week, worse than I usually am while waiting for the scan and the results. It is a looooong 24 hours between the test and the verdict.
I have been unable to focus or concentrate for most of this week. Even watching TV, usually my ace in the hole, has not worked. Should I read stuff on the computer, like North Korea perhaps setting something off, the Zika virus, the Flint water crisis, or the 3 escaped prisoners in CA? I do not think any of those stories will make me less anxious.
I have had a few bouts of anxiety this week --pounding heart and gasping for air. The only thing that stops this, and my awful thoughts, is being asleep --- which is hard to achieve. Last night I never got to sleep, despite taking Ambien.
Watching BLACKLIST tonight, I realized halfway through that I had not absorbed anything, so I had to go back and re-watch.
Then I looked at recipes on the computer, usually a great distraction....well, that did not help either because I like to plan out what to buy and cook and I find myself wondering "why plan ahead?" "What if?"
I have so many errands to do and appointments to make, but cannot seem to think about anything in the future.
I know I should be thankful that I am still here, since my "expiration date" passed long ago.
Thanks for listening. You would not believe how few people want to hear me talk about this stuff.
I should add that I had the BEST CHRISTMAS EVER. Charlie and Clara are at that absolutely perfect age where they are awed by everything. It was just a wonderful, happy day from beginning to end.
xoxoxoxo
Damn cancer!
Hoping tomorrow is a great day for you, Jo Ann. Such a great family photo!
Posted by: Melissa | January 29, 2016 at 08:42 PM
Oh, and I can definitely understand the angst of the waiting. We go through that too with my husband's scans. It's agonizing and not many distractions really seem to help.
Posted by: Melissa | January 29, 2016 at 08:43 PM
Damn cancer!! I can't begin to even imagine how difficult the waiting is. I would be anxious and jumpy, no doubt, and would probably get a bit grumpy, but that's just me. You have my heart felt support from afar, I just wish I could sit across the table and listen to it all.
And give you a big hug.
Praying for you, the situation. For life and health. I believe.
This photo is fabulous!!! Talk about joy!
Posted by: Susan | January 30, 2016 at 01:15 AM
So glad to read your report. That is absolutely wonderful! Now you can get down to some of your planning that you do so well. Great picture of the fam.
Posted by: Leslie McLeod | February 01, 2016 at 11:32 PM
JoAnn, I will always be ready to hear you talk about "this stuff." I find your posts very interesting. Sometimes even funny! So glad you had a good summer, fall, and holidays.
Posted by: KK - Sarah | February 09, 2016 at 06:11 PM