I was warned before I started chemo, in 2010, that it usually affects one's brain. I know for sure that it affected my memory, my reasoning power, my concentration, and my ability to "get" technical stuff. All of this got worse when I had three more chemo treatments in late 2012. It is like a fog has taken up residence in my brain. I do realize that part of this might be aging, but I know for sure when it started, and it is too coincidental to attribute this to age.
At that time, I was also doing TONS of research, trying to understand what was going on, my diagnosis, my treatments, my prognosis. That alone was overwhelming and consumed all my available mental energy.
So here I am four years later.....with large chunks of time seemingly gone. Memories of many things are just not there. No amount of effort can bring them back. If it weren't for my blog and the three thousand photos on my computer, I have no idea what I would remember (not just about cancer, but about life in general). It is very disturbing, to say the least. I hate having to ask people to repeat something that they probably told me in the past. I hate forgetting how to do things I have done hundreds of time (like make corrections to this blog). It is tiresome to have to make lists of everything I need to do.
When I look at an advertising flyer from Best Buy, for example, I do not even know what many of the "gadgets" are. I read instructions for how to download books from my library, and I may as well have been reading Greek. I just have not kept up with technology and it is overwhelming to try to jump back in at this point. My family is usually patient with me when I need technical help, but I hate asking. I have not updated my iPhone or iPad because I do not want to have to learn new ways of using them. I have not mastered using GPS, my iPad, and frankly, I do not want to bother. (It's a good thing that my good sense of direction is still intact!)
And some days....I just have to laugh at myself!